Losing Your Confidence? Look Inside Your Home For Help

When I have clients that suffer from a lack of confidence, an inability to speak up or they struggle with their own identity, I always look inside their home for specific ways these issues are physically manifesting in their surroundings.

Each and every time, I am able to point out the connections between their challenges in life and how it shows up in their intimate environment. I’d like to give you these tools of empowerment and show you what to look for in your home. Even if you don’t struggle with these specific issues on a daily basis, addressing some of these points may inspire you in other ways.

Here are my top four most popular ways this shows up:

Your Home Was Professionally Decorated

If your home was decorated by a persuasive interior designer that has created “their vision” instead of your own, self-doubt is sure to accrue all around you. When every inch of your home is filled with items, design themes and décor that are not your choices or even to your likening, over time it will wear away at your confidence. Being constantly bombarded with physical reminders of decisions and choices that are not your own dilutes your confidence, stifles your voice and muddles how you see yourself.  Not every interior designer has their own ego-agenda and some are really great at listening to their clients and delivering a true reflection of the client, but just think about it. When your own environment- an intimate space that should be a reflection of you- is really someone else’s, it may gradually degrade your individuality, your self-confidence and undermine your ability to have assurance in your choices.

Solution: When working with an interior designer, make sure that every step of the way you are speaking up. A good designer will at times take you to the edge of your own design comfort zone – just make sure that you are taking the lead and making it clear what you want and what you don’t. If you are already living in a home that was professionally decorated, try to integrate elements that are purely your own personality. We are living in a huge DIY epoch where HGTV shows, Apartment Therapy blogs and shelter magazines are ubiquitously guiding us on how to do it yourself.  By tapping into your own inner Candice or Nate, you are giving yourself a huge self-confidence boost with blatant daily reminders to subliminally diminish those self-doubts away.

Mirrors and Artwork Too High

Time and time again I see this. In homes where the artwork and mirrors are too high, self-confidence is at a low. Subconsciously, mirrors that are hung too high leave you feeling like you can never measure up. Often, someone suffering from a lack of self-esteem will unknowingly hang most of his or her artwork or mirrors above the standard eyelevel. This is just another illustration of how your struggles in life will nearly always metaphorically show up in the intimate space you create.

Solution: As a rule of thumb make sure that from the floor to the center of the artwork or mirror is 60”.  Adjust if you are unusually short or tall.

You Moved Into Your Boyfriend/Girlfriends Home

For the person who is moving into their partner’s home, there is already a slight disadvantage for a balanced relationship dynamic for them.  Speaking up will become subconsciously harder and their sense of individuality might weaken. It’s easy to feel like a permanent visitor rather than a bona fide resident when you are entering into someone else’s existing space where all their memories, physical stuff and routines are deeply entrenched into the energetic matrix of the home.

Solution: Equalizing the underlying relationship forces takes time and deliberate choices. To start off with, ample room in every closet, cupboard and shelf must be made. It’s a good idea to shop together for all necessary items – from kitchen gadgets to furniture pieces – so that the person moving in feels like they are equally contributing.  Switching up furniture configurations is a great way to create newness. Space clearing ceremonies with sage are highly effective ways to consecrate the space and lay down some spiritual assertion. Entrench yourself in the routines of the home, from shoveling snow to bringing in the mail to seasonal decorating. By caring for the home and gradually adding your own touches, your own memories created there will supersede any feelings of imbalance.

Beams Overhead, Beds On The Floor and More…

In Feng Shui there are several design elements that “take away your strength”. Beams over the bed are considered oppressive, mattresses on the floor are discouraging to your psyche and furniture that looms over you (think towering dresser as a nightstand) can all leave you feeling overpowered and defeated. If you have one or all of these scenarios, speaking up may feel like a daunting task. You could easily lack consummate strength in yourself and certainty in your decisions when your surrounding energies are metaphorically keeping you down.

Solutions: Rise above it all by switching out towering furniture for appropriately sized options and get your mattress off the floor. Also, make sure you don’t have anything under your bed, as the chi has to flow freely underneath. Upward-directed lighting helps alleviate the plunging chi, light paint colors instead of dark relieve the heaviness and lots of natural sunlight can lift gloomy opposition.

By elevating the chi, adjusting mirror heights, mindfully creating a space that is equally your own and surrounding yourself with items that you love, you are on your way to establishing a home that supports your goals and desires and gives you that extra boost of confidence.

After all, home is where the heart is. Love your home. Love yourself.