Many of my consultations over the years have centered on clients who are looking for love and are feeling unsuccessful. Whether it is a thriving millionaire or someone in between jobs struggling to make ends meet, I always find there are hidden themes that physically manifest in their homes that represent the real underlying cause for being single. By bringing these symbolic connections to my client’s attention, their reactions may run the gamut from a tear-filled revelation of a big “a-ha” moment to intense discomfort or denial because I am delving into and shedding light on one of their issues they’d rather keep buried. Either way, once awareness is heightened and necessary changes are implemented in their home, a shift in their relationship perspective will inevitably occur that enables them to more easily and fully embrace a healthy, balanced and loving relationship. Read on to discover if your environment fits in to one of these categories and what you can do to create an even playing ground for your journey toward love.
The Uncommitted
If your place looks like you just moved in and you have actually been there for years, you might be a commitment phobe – even if you say you want a relationship!
How It Shows Up
Unpacked boxes, avoidance of big ticket purchases and selection of paint colors as well as a lack of hanging artwork are all representations of a fear of commitment.
Solution
Give yourself a daily To Do list that requires you to replace your casual, unattached attitude for one that pledges to tackle what you’ve been avoiding. Start with small tasks and with each accomplishment, reflect on your gaining confidence in your commitment to attaining your goals.
The Overly Organized
If your home must be pristine and methodically arranged for you to happily function at all times, your need for control and perfection may be impeding you from finding a partner outside your “ideal checklist.”
How It Shows Up
Everything has a place, “neat and orderly” are your comfort words and the Container Store is your favorite place to shop.
Solution Allow for creative messes from time to time and lighten up on rigid systems of organization that get in the way for spontaneity. Try to live more in the moment instead of structuring and planning how to arrange it.
The Promiscuous Lothario
This scenario usually shows up in long-term-Casanova-bachelor homes that feel like sex dens with an over abundance of womanizing evidence lying around. This environment will surely make any potentially serious partner feel like they are just another number in a revolving door of flings.
How It Shows Up
An overabundance of nude female imagery in the artwork, pictures of models or other women are displayed, lingerie lying around, medicine cabinets are filled with toiletries and items for women. A few women’s clothing items are in a drawer or the closet, women’s perfume lingers in the environment.
Solution
Guys, if your home has even one pair of panties lying under the bed, its time to de-stud your Romeo pad and begin removing all evidence of your prior life. Do a deep cleaning, freshen the air and try to bring in sensuality- not cheap sex – into your space. Add design elements that delight the senses, mix textures, add sexy scented candles and instead of having a carnal entertainment center for many, focus on creating an environment for that one special woman.
Living In The Past
Your home is stuck in the era you feel you were at the top of your game in and you have not made any home improvements or changes in your décor in years.
This ’80’s bedroom is stuck in the past
Nothing, not even a mauve curtain or shag rug has been switched out in eons. And you think it all looks pretty good. An unchanged home that has not been tended to represents an antiquated, inflexible mind, which creates self-imposed boundaries in finding the lover of your dreams.
Solution
Start by walking through your home with a trusted friend making a prioritized list of what is in the most need of being replaced or modernized. As you swap out these items for new, allow yourself to make the connections that you are replacing your unyielding ways for a fresh mind set that is an open conduit for new beginnings.
Too Yin/Too Yang
If your home is either too “little girl” or too “swinging bachelor” your yin and yang energies need to find a happy medium in order to more openly and readily accept love into your life. By creating extreme gender energies in your environment you are keeping the opposite gender from feeling welcome in your life.
How It Shows Up
this austere living room is too “yang”.
An overly feminine Yin energy shows up in frilly lace, doll collections, stuffed animals on the bed, lots of pink and peach colors and floral over load on wallpaper and bedspreads. An imbalanced Yang energy shows up with an austere, sterile environment, sharp corners, lots of hard edges and a lack of warmth.
Solution
As you walk through each room, take note of your excessive yin or yang extreme décor choices and begin replacing them for more gender-neutral items. As you do this, tell yourself that you creating an environment that is welcoming to the opposite sex.
The Accumulator
If your home is filled to the brim with stuff your clutter bug ways are keeping you from letting go of unhealthy relationship patterns. The energetic ramifications are like bringing a ton of baggage with you into your dating life, which, among other things, impedes you from allowing the best to unfold in your relationships.
How It Shows Up
Piles of paperwork, clothes and junk abound. Closets and drawers are overflowing and there is an overabundance of stuff in every room. Excessive collections, knick-knacks and collectibles dominate every room.
Solution
Edit, edit, edit! Ensure that you have the right tools (covered baskets to store items, proper filing systems, a label maker) for efficient living. As you go through each room and pare down, ask yourself if you have used it in the last year. If not, create piles to either throw it out or give it to good will. As you go through this process, tell yourself that you are creating an open conduit of energy for your mate to enter your life.
By examining your environment, identifying the emblematic connections and making necessary changes you are creating an environment that is congruent with your relationship needs. Often in this process our deepest issues come to the surface and it can be difficult to power through. It’s important to keep clear, focused and be certain in the fact that your home plays a big role in your life and can even act as your teacher in this journey. Know that with each step you are giving yourself an advantage and creating an environment that is supportive to a healthy, balanced relationship.
