Three Simple Steps To Find Your Inner Calm

A few years ago I suddenly started feeling anxiety when flying on planes. It happened on a plane trip coming back from the Bahamas to Florida. As I boarded the plane with my husband and two children, the flight attendant turned to me, looked me in the eye and said “Hold on tight to your babies up there.”

My anxiety jets downshifted to turbo mode as my stomach did a back flip. “Why, what’s wrong?” I asked/yelled/demanded. I’m not sure which one it was but when a flight attendant tells you to ”hold onto your babies up there” decorum flies out the window.

She pointed to the gray, rain filled clouds bearing down on the airport and shrugged, “Looks like some bad weather coming in” and then, seeing my look of pure terror (as I imagined the plane plummeting through the very unfriendly skies) smiled tightly and hastily added, ” But I’m sure it will be fine!”

A few minutes later we were in our seats, buckled up. Anxiety was in full bloom in seat 29A, home of Lisa Rodriguez, new passenger on the highway of extreme anxiety. After checking and re-checking my families’ seat belts too many times to mention, my husband grabbed my hand and said, ” You okay babe?”

“Just fine honey!” I yelled in an odd, munchkin-sounding voice. As the plane taxied down the runway, my breathing kept pace with the MD-80 engines until hyperventilation was in full mode.

Needless to say, it was a bad flight, and not because of the weather. The short flight back was uneventful. The only thing ominous was the color of the black clouds and my imagination as it went into overdrive visualizing every worse case scenario.

After that trip, travel was no longer a spectator sport. I became a full-fledged participant in the anxiety game of “Will we crash and die on our next flight?”

Four angst-ridden flights later, the toll of worst-case scenario was starting to trip me up. When I began to consider cross-country travel by rail – instead of flying with my family- I made the decision to visit a local hypnotist.

And so began a turning point in my life.

The hypnotist (kind, lovely woman that she was) talked me down from my high perch of self-induced apprehension and worse case scenario. Thankfully, she taught me how to visualize the best, most wonderful outcome possible, in my world and the beautiful world around me.

I have learned to apply my golden visualization techniques (as I call them), to all aspects of my life. I really do believe, because of this, I am a happier, calmer, person/wife/mom. Often, exasperated friends will comment, usually during an especially chaotic moment; “Lisa, you’re always so calm!”

Well, I am, and then again, sometimes I’m not. (I usually blame the not so calm moments on my fluctuating hormones).

Learning to find the calm in any situation involves three simple steps:

Step One

Do a quick evaluation of the situation. Is this a situation you have control over? (Example; in a plane, the pilot is in control of the plane, not you.) If you do have some modicum of control over how you react to these challenges, ( i.e child melting down, co-worker breathing fire at you, spouse having a crabby moment)  then try the following steps before you react:

Step Two

Breathe.

Slow your breathing down. I usually count to 5 slowly as I breathe in through my nose, then count to 5 again as I breathe out slowly through my mouth.

Step Three

Visualize the best-case scenario. It’s easy for our active imaginations to take us to the worst possible scenario of any situation. Don’t let that happen. As soon as you start to visualize the worst, give yourself a mental slap on the cheek and visualize the best.

When I board a plane these days, I visualize the plane surrounded by golden light, flying smoothly through the air. If we run into turbulence, I remind myself that the capable, well- trained pilot is in control. I breathe. I picture our “golden” plane arriving at its destination on time with happy passengers skipping up the jetway to the terminal. Okay, maybe not skipping, but definitely smiling.